27 on the 27th: I really am alive

It’s my birthday today, I turn 27 on April 27 and it feels significant. I spent the past couple of minutes in tears, not because of sadness or anxiety, but for relief. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulder and I’m optimistic for the future, you may not understand it but that bears huge importance for me.

You see, it has been a while since I was looking forward. A few poor decisions, some disappointing mentors, and a global pandemic let cynicism into my life. I became someone else — unkind, overly critical of others while battling crippling anxiety and feelings of inadequacy and resentment. It was only due to my strong and relentless support system that my life did not spiral out of control but the stress took a toll on my mental health and I forgot “Kindness’.

All my life I have benefitted from kindness, the kindness of friends, strangers, and even foes have driven me forward. I was at a point where I had forgotten to extend that kindness to others. For me, the measure of a man is in his humanity, and the simplest measure of humanity is kindness, warmth, and love. An extended arm can also keep you warm.

I have been loved, even on the days I didn’t love myself. I was loved deeply, intensely, intimately, and without reservation. I pray I can devote myself to showing love and tenderness to myself, and those I love while extending kindness and care to those I interact with daily. Gowing forward context and progress are my watchwords, I have learned that progress is not linear, here’s to embracing both the ups and downs of genuine growth.

To my support system who knew it wasn’t okay even when I swore it was, those who confronted me and fought me, and even those who left me behind, I want to say thank you. Thank you for your eyes, and ears, and words. Thank you for seeing me, thank you for listening, and speaking to me. I may never be able to repay your kindness or return your warmth but I accept it and carry it with me, I will keep it in this world by paying it forward. I will never again forget kindness.

I don’t know what the future holds but I will be in the front seat enjoying every moment.

Happy birthday Tobii, don’t let cynicism blemish your soul.